[ She curls away from it, into herself further somehow, because compassion or worry isn't something she thinks this is only about purpose, about use. Lexa was a leader, brittle on the edges but strong. Full of purpose, just like Roland. She sucks in a breath, tries to find the words to explain something to put her at ease. ]
(I've been like this a long time, it's what it's means to have my abilities, to have done the things I have. )
[ crackles quietly, dulled noise, the tv muted from another room, murmuring pitches without definition to words. Ventures, because it's what she suspects this is really about. Need, use, purpose, it's what it always is, to her own experience. ]
(You don't... need to worry about me. I'm... I've worked through worse than this, trust me.
... It just hurts more than I can say right now.) [ the faint noise of glass clattering against each other, light and too hard it might just shatter. ] (I hope you don't feel this ever, Lexa, I might as well have felt the bullet kill me. )
[There is a flash of a girl's face in Lexa's mind, and after a beat, she stands and holds hands with Lexa. Her coloring is darker, far darker, but she smiles with an ease. The Lexa who stands next to her is younger, quicker to smile, but already a Commander. She's been at this for a while.
The image fades. Lexa swallows it back down. From where she stands, she can feel a tremble of her hands.
(She was hers, and she was taken away.)]
(I already have.) [She knows it's not the same. Physically, it's not the same. She knows that.
But to her, it is. It might as well be.]
(But it will be easier if you don't cling to what you could have done. We could do nothing.)
[In both scenarios, in both situations. Lexa did blame herself for Costia's death, and had taken great care to open up to none of her people after that. It was meant to protect them, and to keep her indifferent and distant.
(And then Clarke.)
Her hands steady. She breathes out. She will manage this weakness as she has many times before.]
[ She can't give much more of herself right now, not much left, empty gun casing, burning hot as it dropped to the ground. But laying there in the empty of much use.
Melt her down, start again. She takes a breath - ]
(I'll be alright in a little while I... just need to rest first.)
(Then rest. When you're ready, we should begin our lessons.)
[She sees it as a way of dismissing her, and she thinks that's fair. Given the mindset Lexa has in relation to this, it's hardly an easy topic, especially with how much it can take from her, too. She'd rather not delve into it, not when that wasn't her goal in the first place.]
[ She lets it go in a crackle. The flickers of light off of a bare wire, dimming like the power was cut. An empty dark room, she supposes that is fitting too. It's what it feels like after all. ]
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circumspector) wrote2016-03-14 03:55 pm
no subject
( I've been like this a long time, it's what it's means to have my abilities, to have done the things I have. )
[ crackles quietly, dulled noise, the tv muted from another room, murmuring pitches without definition to words. Ventures, because it's what she suspects this is really about. Need, use, purpose, it's what it always is, to her own experience. ]
( You don't... need to worry about me. I'm... I've worked through worse than this, trust me.
... It just hurts more than I can say right now. ) [ the faint noise of glass clattering against each other, light and too hard it might just shatter. ] ( I hope you don't feel this ever, Lexa, I might as well have felt the bullet kill me. )
no subject
The image fades. Lexa swallows it back down. From where she stands, she can feel a tremble of her hands.
(She was hers, and she was taken away.)]
( I already have. ) [She knows it's not the same. Physically, it's not the same. She knows that.
But to her, it is. It might as well be.]
( But it will be easier if you don't cling to what you could have done. We could do nothing. )
[In both scenarios, in both situations. Lexa did blame herself for Costia's death, and had taken great care to open up to none of her people after that. It was meant to protect them, and to keep her indifferent and distant.
(And then Clarke.)
Her hands steady. She breathes out. She will manage this weakness as she has many times before.]
no subject
Melt her down, start again. She takes a breath - ]
( I'll be alright in a little while I... just need to rest first. )
no subject
[She sees it as a way of dismissing her, and she thinks that's fair. Given the mindset Lexa has in relation to this, it's hardly an easy topic, especially with how much it can take from her, too. She'd rather not delve into it, not when that wasn't her goal in the first place.]
no subject
[ She lets it go in a crackle. The flickers of light off of a bare wire, dimming like the power was cut. An empty dark room, she supposes that is fitting too. It's what it feels like after all. ]