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circumspector) wrote2016-03-14 03:55 pm
circumspector) wrote2016-03-14 03:55 pm
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[ She's quiet, this time, there's no crackle of static, now raw flicker of her abilities, she's tired, and she doesn't want to move. It hurts, everything still hurts. Lost Parker, and she doesn't think this will ever stop hurting. Done not much else but lay in the small of her quarters, and splash the walls in imagined place to try and distract herself. ]
( What do you need? )
( What do you need? )
( I don't. )
[ She doesn't need anything, but for all her anger when the thing that was not quite Cathaway had told her to be kind to Angel, she was still inclined to do it. In her own way. On her own time. Of her own volition. Not commanded to it like a dog. ]
( I thought you might appreciate the distraction. )
[ She doesn't need anything, but for all her anger when the thing that was not quite Cathaway had told her to be kind to Angel, she was still inclined to do it. In her own way. On her own time. Of her own volition. Not commanded to it like a dog. ]
( I thought you might appreciate the distraction. )
[It is unlike him to do this in this fashion, but he recognizes the necessity of it. Still, when he reaches out it is unlike the gentle brush of Cathaway, uncolored by emotion, an empty space that seemed to gape, somehow nearly as unsettling as a mind too bare. His words are preceded by the obviousness of his attention, an anticipation, the mental equivalent to clearing his throat. And the words- stony and without warmth or comfort, unyielding and stern. He will not react to interruption. He won't even hear it.]
There are many things to discuss with you. [You- you, all of you, everyone he addressed- the clear knowledge that it was not a personal message, but a shared one.] This mission was a failure. Do not think to see it as anything less. The simplest of exercises intended only to allow those unaccustomed to gain some small experience with unfamiliar places. A harmless excursion.
[There's a pause, like a breath, a cold wind going colder.]
It was my failure that I saw you as anything but children, incapable of understanding that your choices have consequences. It is not a mistake I will make again. Your actions have proven you to be irresponsible, dangerous, and foolish. And as a result one of your own has died, for nothing. Those in his brood have now lost something irreplaceable. Do not imagine this feeling will go, do not imagine this emptiness will be filled by another. It will not. You will never be as strong as you could have been with him.
[It is simple fact, even as they grew they would lend each other strength. Now they had one less to draw from. There was a potential they would never reach. He has been cold, he is still cold, but for those in Adara there is an echo, more than simple sympathy. A clear understanding of what it is they have suffered.]
Hosts are lost. This is the reality of our situation, but Adam Parker did not die because we sought to strike a blow against the ones who hunt us. He did not even die because he made a foolish mistake. He died because you made a selfish choice. Remember this, your decisions effect more than you. Even your own life is not just yours any longer. You should be at least responsible enough not to drag those who should be able to rely on to their death.
[There is little point to this, he knows. Those that had behaved poorly would not listen to words, and if they had not yet learned a lesson there would be more loss and more suffering before they did. Still, this is too soon for this.]
There will be some time before you will be sent on your first true mission. I suggest you use it to better yourselves, for all of your sake.
[And the connection drops- cleanly as if he had flipped a switch. His mind was still there, as it always was, but distant, uninviting. This was never meant to be a dialogue.]
There are many things to discuss with you. [You- you, all of you, everyone he addressed- the clear knowledge that it was not a personal message, but a shared one.] This mission was a failure. Do not think to see it as anything less. The simplest of exercises intended only to allow those unaccustomed to gain some small experience with unfamiliar places. A harmless excursion.
[There's a pause, like a breath, a cold wind going colder.]
It was my failure that I saw you as anything but children, incapable of understanding that your choices have consequences. It is not a mistake I will make again. Your actions have proven you to be irresponsible, dangerous, and foolish. And as a result one of your own has died, for nothing. Those in his brood have now lost something irreplaceable. Do not imagine this feeling will go, do not imagine this emptiness will be filled by another. It will not. You will never be as strong as you could have been with him.
[It is simple fact, even as they grew they would lend each other strength. Now they had one less to draw from. There was a potential they would never reach. He has been cold, he is still cold, but for those in Adara there is an echo, more than simple sympathy. A clear understanding of what it is they have suffered.]
Hosts are lost. This is the reality of our situation, but Adam Parker did not die because we sought to strike a blow against the ones who hunt us. He did not even die because he made a foolish mistake. He died because you made a selfish choice. Remember this, your decisions effect more than you. Even your own life is not just yours any longer. You should be at least responsible enough not to drag those who should be able to rely on to their death.
[There is little point to this, he knows. Those that had behaved poorly would not listen to words, and if they had not yet learned a lesson there would be more loss and more suffering before they did. Still, this is too soon for this.]
There will be some time before you will be sent on your first true mission. I suggest you use it to better yourselves, for all of your sake.
[And the connection drops- cleanly as if he had flipped a switch. His mind was still there, as it always was, but distant, uninviting. This was never meant to be a dialogue.]
[ It's not a lesson she needs, she's still keening for the loss, it feels like something had ripped out something vital and on the way through had caught on every nerve, every muscle and rendered them from her. ]
( Yes, Prince. Next time, I'll ... )
[ She doesn't know, keep a closer eye on them? Yes, she would never let them out of her sight, now. Even if she was faced with someone like Parker again, someone who didn't want them around, didn't matter, she would do anything to never feel this again, to keep the others from it too. She doesn't have anything else to say, she'll crawl out of this eventually, she knows she must, and to that end, takes her time for what she'd done. ]
( I'm sorry, I lost control. When it...
I need a new datapad, mine became... damaged. ) [ rather she'd gotten too far entrenched, and it had overloaded with the scream of pain at losing so much. ]
( Yes, Prince. Next time, I'll ... )
[ She doesn't know, keep a closer eye on them? Yes, she would never let them out of her sight, now. Even if she was faced with someone like Parker again, someone who didn't want them around, didn't matter, she would do anything to never feel this again, to keep the others from it too. She doesn't have anything else to say, she'll crawl out of this eventually, she knows she must, and to that end, takes her time for what she'd done. ]
( I'm sorry, I lost control. When it...
I need a new datapad, mine became... damaged. ) [ rather she'd gotten too far entrenched, and it had overloaded with the scream of pain at losing so much. ]
[ He might've been looking for her on foot first, now there's a thin trail from his place in the Nest, traveling along to where he can begin to sense her.
He gives something like a mental knock, knock against a door. ]
He gives something like a mental knock, knock against a door. ]
[ the hurt makes her want to recoil and blame, do something with how much this is seeping like a wound out of her. But that wasn't her way, so she just does nothing at all.
Grief is a twisting, knotted thing. ]
( I would. I do. Thank you. )
[ It's without her usual teeming giddiness, any of the softness. Just bare and empty. ]
Grief is a twisting, knotted thing. ]
( I would. I do. Thank you. )
[ It's without her usual teeming giddiness, any of the softness. Just bare and empty. ]
[There had been some hesitation on his part, quickly crushed, to even speak to Adara. It was equally a truth they had needed to hear, and some of them had taken actions which could have just as easily resulted in danger to the other Hosts.
Angel's little tricks hadn't been what lead to Adam Parker's death, but they could have gone poorly, and he's not certain that she at any point considered that her actions may have blown back on them.
Still, he did not relish in her apology. It is no victory. Right now Adara understood something that the other broods did not yet. And in all likelihood it would result in them protecting each other better than otherwise. His personal wants didn't matter.]
It is of no consequence. I will leave another in your room. You may keep the broken one, to take to pieces if you like.
[It is an uncommon offer in many ways, not that she would know it.]
Angel's little tricks hadn't been what lead to Adam Parker's death, but they could have gone poorly, and he's not certain that she at any point considered that her actions may have blown back on them.
Still, he did not relish in her apology. It is no victory. Right now Adara understood something that the other broods did not yet. And in all likelihood it would result in them protecting each other better than otherwise. His personal wants didn't matter.]
It is of no consequence. I will leave another in your room. You may keep the broken one, to take to pieces if you like.
[It is an uncommon offer in many ways, not that she would know it.]
[ It does make Ilde a little sad to feel how much less energy Angel responds to her with. A small pang, but in a way she feels it was inevitable and she believes quite firmly that Angel will be alright. ]
( I will come meet you. )
[It's dangerous to go alone ]
( I will come meet you. )
[
[ She's guilty as it is -- she had been too caught up, too eager to throw herself into a the life she'd been denied, to touch and to poke and to prod. It had been selfish, naive too. That things would just progress like they always had, and she'd just be a ghost to it all.
But she won't be doing it again.
Thankful, especially, that he was giving her a distraction. She doesn't know who exactly to be around him, to even guess what it meant via her usual calculations of those around her, normal or not -- the only authority she'd known was... well, Jack. But Prince couldn't be less like him. From Jack, this would be placating her moods...
... it doesn't feel like that. She'd let one of her own die; that was her fault as much as whoever else had caused this. He doesn't have to give her anything, and for that alone, she's grateful, the distraction is everything she could want, right now. ]
( Thank you, sir. )
But she won't be doing it again.
Thankful, especially, that he was giving her a distraction. She doesn't know who exactly to be around him, to even guess what it meant via her usual calculations of those around her, normal or not -- the only authority she'd known was... well, Jack. But Prince couldn't be less like him. From Jack, this would be placating her moods...
... it doesn't feel like that. She'd let one of her own die; that was her fault as much as whoever else had caused this. He doesn't have to give her anything, and for that alone, she's grateful, the distraction is everything she could want, right now. ]
( Thank you, sir. )
Edited 2016-04-28 12:47 (UTC)
[The gratitude- in the words themselves and the way it seeps between them- leaves him feeling disgusted, and it is only through his years of practice that he doesn't allow her to sense it in return. The feeling doesn't rise because of her, but because she would thank him now, when she was one of those who had suffered most from him underestimating exactly how unbalanced and uncontrolled the other Hosts would be, left to their own devices. He wouldn't make the mistake of trusting them again, but future caution did not undo past mistakes.]
It is nothing. If you require anything else, inform me and I will see to it.
It is nothing. If you require anything else, inform me and I will see to it.
[ She's to be found in her chosen room, small, tucked into the corner of her bed, her legs under her and an arm looped over them comfortably, save for the fine slices on her fingers where she hadn't been careful. Her head against the wall, and on her the bed around her is the cannibalised parts of her since destroyed datapad, scattered around like so many pieces of an animal skinned. Wires like tendons and metal plates like organs. Living things, to her, but now they're a desecrated mess from her own mistake.
Doesn't bother speaking so much, she's better in mind than body. She was exhausted before, wore herself out and she knew she'd crash eventually. No eridium, and a semi-constant use of her abilities had given her a hard lesson in her new limits - it would have been manageable by itself. But that hadn't been how that turned out, was it?
Answers quietly, in return, come in. ]
Doesn't bother speaking so much, she's better in mind than body. She was exhausted before, wore herself out and she knew she'd crash eventually. No eridium, and a semi-constant use of her abilities had given her a hard lesson in her new limits - it would have been manageable by itself. But that hadn't been how that turned out, was it?
Answers quietly, in return, come in. ]
[ There's silence, and she forces herself to shake it. ]
( Alright, just at the range? )
( Alright, just at the range? )
[ She turns sharp into that, she doesn't expect, and that hurts too -- belatedly realising that maybe just everything does at the moment and she needs to be less suspectable to the sting if she's going to survive.
But she doesn't have any of that in her right now. ]
( Thank you, again, sir - ) [ Parker back, she wants Parker back. ] ( I don't need anything else.
... Do you... do you need anything from me? )
But she doesn't have any of that in her right now. ]
( Thank you, again, sir - ) [ Parker back, she wants Parker back. ] ( I don't need anything else.
... Do you... do you need anything from me? )
Edited 2016-04-29 03:08 (UTC)
[ In a beat there's a proper sense of him being there. He's quick to understand that he underestimated her exhaustion from the past few days. The sense of something gone, so suddenly. His intention to offer her distraction through physical work (his way of moving forward) is abandoned.
His mental presence is larger than his physical self, less breakable. ]
( I'm sorry. ) [ That empty space is a void that nothing will ever fill. He doesn't know what to offer, doesn't quite know how to comfort. Comfort as he knows it is his mother's hand through his hair, long stretches of silence between him and his friend. ]
His mental presence is larger than his physical self, less breakable. ]
( I'm sorry. ) [ That empty space is a void that nothing will ever fill. He doesn't know what to offer, doesn't quite know how to comfort. Comfort as he knows it is his mother's hand through his hair, long stretches of silence between him and his friend. ]
[Blow upon blow, so much more effective than Lexa's aggressive accusations.
He is tired.]
There is nothing I require. If you are feeling well enough, you may wish to spend time with your brood.
[She was a stabilizing element among these new hosts. Her relatively minor indiscretions- well intentioned ones at that-paled in comparison to that. It was far easier to teach wisdom than it was to teach kindness.]
He is tired.]
There is nothing I require. If you are feeling well enough, you may wish to spend time with your brood.
[She was a stabilizing element among these new hosts. Her relatively minor indiscretions- well intentioned ones at that-paled in comparison to that. It was far easier to teach wisdom than it was to teach kindness.]
[ She will, later, try and do something. She's too physically weak and she needs that stamina and yes -- she's special, she's different, she's gifted, but sirens still died, so having a head start wouldn't help her or anyone else stay alive, long term. She must move, eventually.
But right now she really doesn't have it in her.
The room is quiet, save for the hum and chatter of the nest. For awhile, she doesn't move, then slowly, she gathers up the broken pieces and moves them out of the way. Doesn't say - thank you, or I forgive you, because what is there to say? Rather she just doesn't want to be alone, right now, which comes suddenly, because she can't have Parker back, she can't fill this space ever again.
But this might do.
So she clears the space for him to sit beside her on the bed. Pale as the rumpled sheets, her hands move over the small pieces, her tenderness for animate objects still there. ]
( Stay? )
But right now she really doesn't have it in her.
The room is quiet, save for the hum and chatter of the nest. For awhile, she doesn't move, then slowly, she gathers up the broken pieces and moves them out of the way. Doesn't say - thank you, or I forgive you, because what is there to say? Rather she just doesn't want to be alone, right now, which comes suddenly, because she can't have Parker back, she can't fill this space ever again.
But this might do.
So she clears the space for him to sit beside her on the bed. Pale as the rumpled sheets, her hands move over the small pieces, her tenderness for animate objects still there. ]
( Stay? )
[ The memory - to be her only memory now she realises, comes up quick. ]
( Parker did want us when I met him. He said he was leaving, and it scared me so much I begged him not to go. )
[ And now she's worried, Ares didn't like her, she'd scared him out of the same thoughtlessness that had gotten Parker killed, so twisted up with worry at losing the rest of them too. It's bundling up tight in her chest. A worried -- child, like he said. Confessing it all up in the way children do.
Picks more firmly then, a path forward. She'll look after her brood, even if they hate her, she will. She won't deceive them like the vault hunters, but she will be there for them. ]
( I'll go to them. Will... Aoba be okay? He felt strange, for awhile. )
[ Worried for that too, but she hadn't been in a position to help. To busy clawing herself sane as to not hurt anyone. ]
( Parker did want us when I met him. He said he was leaving, and it scared me so much I begged him not to go. )
[ And now she's worried, Ares didn't like her, she'd scared him out of the same thoughtlessness that had gotten Parker killed, so twisted up with worry at losing the rest of them too. It's bundling up tight in her chest. A worried -- child, like he said. Confessing it all up in the way children do.
Picks more firmly then, a path forward. She'll look after her brood, even if they hate her, she will. She won't deceive them like the vault hunters, but she will be there for them. ]
( I'll go to them. Will... Aoba be okay? He felt strange, for awhile. )
[ Worried for that too, but she hadn't been in a position to help. To busy clawing herself sane as to not hurt anyone. ]
[There is a hesitation- in his words and in his mind, more tentative than usual. This was not his- strength. He had never been deft at addressing the feelings of anyone. Not himself and certainly not others. It wasn't the way of his world. But it was his duty to answer to her, to send her away now would be cruel, even if this conversation of the kinds has already lasted much longer than he would prefer.
So he answers, eventually, to her fears rather than her words.]
It is difficult for some, [For some-] to be open. If their mind is a closed door, you can only respect that. Some would prefer to be known through action and words more than their thoughts.
[Should he tell her how he had been, when he was a young, foolish child? How he still was? They wouldn't-couldn't hate her. He knew that with a bone deep certainty as true as the ache of what he had lost.
The question of Aoba is no less difficult, although for different reasons entirely.]
I'm not certain. He was quite dangerous in that state. If you sense that from him again, please keep your distance.
[He could injure her, or force her to injure him. Either way he didn't believe the boy would be pleased if that were to occur, were he in his right mind.]
So he answers, eventually, to her fears rather than her words.]
It is difficult for some, [For some-] to be open. If their mind is a closed door, you can only respect that. Some would prefer to be known through action and words more than their thoughts.
[Should he tell her how he had been, when he was a young, foolish child? How he still was? They wouldn't-couldn't hate her. He knew that with a bone deep certainty as true as the ache of what he had lost.
The question of Aoba is no less difficult, although for different reasons entirely.]
I'm not certain. He was quite dangerous in that state. If you sense that from him again, please keep your distance.
[He could injure her, or force her to injure him. Either way he didn't believe the boy would be pleased if that were to occur, were he in his right mind.]
Edited 2016-04-30 03:47 (UTC)
[ Assent, simple, and Ilde begins to head towards the shooting range, although she leaves the door open a crack to this connection lest the siren change her mind, prefer the solitude.
Ilde is waiting quietly outside the door to the range, the small datapad that she still does not quite fully understand clasped loosely in her hands. She looks up when Angel appears, ]
I also have something for you.
Ilde is waiting quietly outside the door to the range, the small datapad that she still does not quite fully understand clasped loosely in her hands. She looks up when Angel appears, ]
I also have something for you.
[ It takes him a moment to approach the door-less opening to her room from the hallway. Hesitation, born out of ingrained manners, invitation or not.
He finds the place she makes on the bed for him. Sits on the edge, leaning forward with forearms resting on his legs. The emotional bleed is easier to contain compared to the first time they met. He's learning a bit more about holding himself behind walls (guilt, concern), and they lack the deeper, immediate connection broodmates share that can more easily bypass those defenses.
There's nothing to say, so he doesn't try to fill up the air. ]
He finds the place she makes on the bed for him. Sits on the edge, leaning forward with forearms resting on his legs. The emotional bleed is easier to contain compared to the first time they met. He's learning a bit more about holding himself behind walls (guilt, concern), and they lack the deeper, immediate connection broodmates share that can more easily bypass those defenses.
There's nothing to say, so he doesn't try to fill up the air. ]
( Do you still trust the choice that they offer us? )
[Though Lexa uses the word "us," there is a sense that she actually means "you." No part of Lexa agrees that she has a choice, and after the Prince ignored her, she doesn't feel inclined to change her opinion.
But she is curious to see where Angel lies in all of this. Does she feel ashamed for what she may or may not have done? Does she feel empathy?
Lexa feels neither thing, so it is that which guides her here.]
[Though Lexa uses the word "us," there is a sense that she actually means "you." No part of Lexa agrees that she has a choice, and after the Prince ignored her, she doesn't feel inclined to change her opinion.
But she is curious to see where Angel lies in all of this. Does she feel ashamed for what she may or may not have done? Does she feel empathy?
Lexa feels neither thing, so it is that which guides her here.]
[ She's no better in person, body to mind the same thing. Her eyes tired, and she's forgotten to eat - her sleep is fitful and empty. No jump that she had been thought of, nothing at all.
Nor is she completely unaware what has passed as to why she feels this way. But she's too tired for blame, for hissing with hurt and rage, not even for forgiveness own sake, but she won't -- won't -- be Jack. ]
Oh? [ The smile pulls wane, exhausted at the edges. ]
Nor is she completely unaware what has passed as to why she feels this way. But she's too tired for blame, for hissing with hurt and rage, not even for forgiveness own sake, but she won't -- won't -- be Jack. ]
Oh? [ The smile pulls wane, exhausted at the edges. ]
[ By contrast, she's not kept. It trickles like blood seeping from a wound, down her arms, into her fingers as they reach for him, then to brush his shoulder, a little at first. The fine little cuts that already begin to heal with their blessing ( curse? ) of a symbiote.
Then she pushes forward a little more, rolls her weight carefully, a shuffle that's loud in the silence to press her forehead against his shoulder. She's fever warm, exhausted, and no, maybe he doesn't know how to give comfort and she doesn't know how to ask for the nearness of other people. She just leans forward then like a stack of dominoes toppling under their own weight, until her forehead settles against his shoulder. Her fingers still fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt. Brushing against it back and forth with a faint absent fiddle, she tries to keep the tenderness still, things were still so new to her, in so many regards.
This too, felt so carefully undoing. No one had ever come to see if she was okay. Not anymore. ]
( Tell me about your... Earth? About the lights again? The people? )
Then she pushes forward a little more, rolls her weight carefully, a shuffle that's loud in the silence to press her forehead against his shoulder. She's fever warm, exhausted, and no, maybe he doesn't know how to give comfort and she doesn't know how to ask for the nearness of other people. She just leans forward then like a stack of dominoes toppling under their own weight, until her forehead settles against his shoulder. Her fingers still fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt. Brushing against it back and forth with a faint absent fiddle, she tries to keep the tenderness still, things were still so new to her, in so many regards.
This too, felt so carefully undoing. No one had ever come to see if she was okay. Not anymore. ]
( Tell me about your... Earth? About the lights again? The people? )
[ She returns in kind with a feeling of agreement and acceptance. She'll have to work to remember the first part, she's used to being a ghost in this -- but that's no longer true, her presence amplified to others through this. ]
( I'll see to him when he's awake again. If ... anything else happens, I'll ... call for you. )
[ She finds a safety in his surety, he might just be concepts, but they're solid, she realises. That was... new. She could muddle that out later, whatever it meant. She'd never had that before, even if it was only for the moment. ]
( I need to rest, I think, I'll... start training again after this. ) [ Saying thank you again seems redudant, but it's there, infected in her words. ]
( I'll see to him when he's awake again. If ... anything else happens, I'll ... call for you. )
[ She finds a safety in his surety, he might just be concepts, but they're solid, she realises. That was... new. She could muddle that out later, whatever it meant. She'd never had that before, even if it was only for the moment. ]
( I need to rest, I think, I'll... start training again after this. ) [ Saying thank you again seems redudant, but it's there, infected in her words. ]
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