[The immediate pain and grief she experiences nearly plunges Lexa somewhere that she doesn't want to feel. She felt the disconnect with the loss of Anduin, but she's trying to assume it's just that: a disconnect, a separation. It hadn't been as brutal, but there was some recognition that if she felt what she did with Parker, then it would be worse if Anduin had really died. At the same time, she is allowing herself to emphasize the disconnect. To feel nothing.
For a moment, she feels something. She feels guilt for her unkind words to the Prince. She feels guilt for contacting Angel without a single shred of sympathy.
She swallows it down. That isn't like her. She recalls standing alongside others to help them set aside their grief because it is weakness. To some degree, she knows that's a lie, a lesson she's swallowed whole because she's had no choice. To another degree, she believes it completely.]
(None of us have been given a full list of expectations. They merely assume that we'll act on information not provided.) [There is some contempt, and she uses it to cut through the negative feelings stirring in her heart—feelings that don't belong to her. She has no need for them. She is here to push, to redirect, not to care. She cannot be so weak as to care right now.]
(Would you feel the way you do without his words?)
no subject
For a moment, she feels something. She feels guilt for her unkind words to the Prince. She feels guilt for contacting Angel without a single shred of sympathy.
She swallows it down. That isn't like her. She recalls standing alongside others to help them set aside their grief because it is weakness. To some degree, she knows that's a lie, a lesson she's swallowed whole because she's had no choice. To another degree, she believes it completely.]
( None of us have been given a full list of expectations. They merely assume that we'll act on information not provided. ) [There is some contempt, and she uses it to cut through the negative feelings stirring in her heart—feelings that don't belong to her. She has no need for them. She is here to push, to redirect, not to care. She cannot be so weak as to care right now.]
( Would you feel the way you do without his words? )