[ What unfolds as soon as she responds from her direction is nothing simple, nothing restrained, it's grief raw and rips apart like a lava flow, because it is every touch and nuance of her mind, nothing escaped it. Grief, utter and whole. It's not a cold deadened thing right now that it might be with time, but it's a raw, twisting, hot thing, it burns and it burns and it burns. She's been crying, she's forgotten to eat, she can't move and it's harder even to think. Something had died in her when Parker had, something was gone, something was irreparably gone, and she will never have it back. Her skin feels heavy again, her clothes are cloying to her skin, like she's wretched and broken, nothing had hurt like this since Eridium, that had been different, that had been pure burning light and the betrayal of the only person she'd ever had, but this --
She carries guilt, she carries so much guilt, like this is somehow one more thing, one less thing, carries it like she deserves it and wants it gone from her because she wakes up in small bouts of sleep, clutching for something that isn't there.
Trusts Lexa or something near it and if not that, likes her, wants so much that surety. Wants to give something like it in return. It's what friends do, don't they? But she's capable of none of it. ]
( Are you asking me if I expected this? Or if I could go back if I could?)
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She carries guilt, she carries so much guilt, like this is somehow one more thing, one less thing, carries it like she deserves it and wants it gone from her because she wakes up in small bouts of sleep, clutching for something that isn't there.
Trusts Lexa or something near it and if not that, likes her, wants so much that surety. Wants to give something like it in return. It's what friends do, don't they? But she's capable of none of it. ]
( Are you asking me if I expected this? Or if I could go back if I could? )